Different Species of Muslims found in India

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Muslim is a currently booming carnivorous species in India. In the past they were known by the name of carnivores of bARbarIA before Colitical Porrectness made inroads into biology nomenclature and gave them the new name. Muslims as a species have registered the highest growth in their numbers over the past few decades and have maintained around 10% excess decadal growth rate when compared to Hindus, another species of herbivores found in India. Given the fanatic capacity of Muslim female to outbreed their competitors, the carnivores of bARbarIA are fast emerging as dominant population group in many sub-regions of India. Given this fact, it has rekindled interest of biologists in dividing this species into further sub-groups to better analyse and understand their behaviour. The below paragraphs summarize the sub-species names as well as their behaviour:

1) Snakullahs (Snake Mullahs)

Snakullahs is a small but important sub-species of Muslims. This sub-species can be usually identified by the sound of loud grunts usually made to summon other nearby members from their species. Snakullahs get their name due to their prime job of spewing venom on herbivore Mindus. They are known for making distress calls even when there is no danger and goad their herd into hunting other species of herbivores. Snakullahs usually migrate to far away lands like Pakhanistan and beg for grass, which they later use to raise young Snakullahs. Although Snakullahs now live in moist grasslands of India, but they still continue to display and copy the behaviour of their ancestors who migrated from lands of bARbarIA. Fasauddin Choaisi and Kadahi Benam of Mama Jasjid are some of the notable members of this species. Other members are spread all over India and usually live in Fasjids.

2) Moronullahs (Moron Mullahs)

Moronullahs form the largest sub-species of Muslims in India. Some accounts state that their numbers can be as high as 90-95% of the total population. Moronullahs are much like Mindus, except that unlike Mindus, Moronullahs have no brain of their own and follow the Snakullahs blindly. Moronullahs are usually herbivorous when alone but like the herd of wild buffaloes can become extremely violent and charge on their enemies under direction of Snakullahs. This behaviour is usually put on display immediately after large numbers of Morullahs gather together on every Dryday. The Moronullah females fanatically breed on the advice of the Snakullahs on the hopes that one day they can dominate the whole grassland and finish off other species completely. The members of this species are well dispersed around India and can be spotted very easily. Sometimes the members of this subspecies migrate to lands of Kyria to help develop fertilizer from poop of carnivores of bARbarIA.

3) Leechullahs (Leech Mullahs)

Leechullahs are very famous subspecies of Muslims who usually live in and around the grassland of Mullahwood. They get their name by their quality of leeching on herbivorous Mindus while spewing venom against their practices. They are gifted surplus grass by Mindus from all over India for sitting on their ass and once in a while display their mating antics in front of other species. Leechullahs are primarily carnivorous and eat herbivores but suddenly display herbivorous behaviour before any big mating event to ensure that they can dupe Mindus into donating more grass. Leechullas are primary reason that most Mindus get duped into believing that Muslim are herbivores. Kha-rukh and Kamir Shan are the leading carnivores of this sub-species and are known to mate with females outside their species. Recently they became famous on Bitter for highlighting Mindu intolerance to being eaten by Moronullahs.

4) Taqiyullahs (Taqiya Mullahs)

The primary role of the Taqiyullahs is to dupe Mindus into believing that herbivores and carnivores can live peacefully as neighbours on the same grassland. Some of them really believe in this hypothesis while others are just waiting for Muslim females to do their job i.e. outbreed other species. They pretend to fight against the Snakullahs, Morullas and Leechullahs, when in fact they are using old Muslim evolutionary strategy called taqiyya. Kaulana Mabdul Malam Mazad was one of the early members of Taqiyullah subspecies and was against division of grassland based on dietary habits. But his idea was to bide time so that the whole grassland could be later populated by carnivores of bARbarIA. Aved Jakhtar, Farek Tateh and U-Fail Tahmed are the leading members of this sub-species these days. They are known for conveniently blaming the carnivorous diet of Muslims on Sahabbi or Walafist fertilizer used to produce grass in lands of bARbarIA, instead of blaming the actual problem which is the first carnivore and his unholy champak . They can be seen falsely claiming that carnivores can be herbivores, just like Lindus and Mindus, even though most know that carnivores can’t be turned into herbivores without going after the source of the carnivory, which is the original carnivore theology.

5) Sanullahs (Sane Mullahs)

It is a difficult problem whether one should put Sanullahs as a subspecies under Muslims because Sanullahs have given up their carnivorous habits and decided to become herbivores for the rest of their lives, which is usually denoted by the term Grasspostasy. Since Sanullahs are Grasspostates, they are usually attacked by other Muslim subspecies for this change of behaviour. Thus, Grasspostates are usually forced to hide their identity to save their life. Due to this problem, it is difficult to get a count of number of Sanullahs in India. But in the international grasslands Dayan Charsi Chali is well known these days, while Sanwar Haikh was an old Sanullah from Pakistan.

6) MILF (Mullah in Liberal Facade)

MILFs are the most dangerous subspecies of Muslims and have a big overlap with HINOs. They usually carry Hindu names but act Muslim and defend Mullah practices. For eg. MILFs defend Morullah female practice of hiding their body parts from horny Moronullah males i.e. qurba as a useful evolutionary strategy while fuming over Mindu practise of Baksha Randhan. They are also known to bash common sense evolutionary strategy, Moronullophobia, of herbivore Hindus to protect themselves and name call Hindus who believe in it as Findus. Gagrika Shoes, Krinda Barat, Kana Rayub and Bekar Fatel have established themselves as the most grass gorging MILFs in the Indian grasslands. The other members of this subspecies can be easily spotted while eating cows, who are friend with the local herbivorous Mindu population, while at the same time shedding fake tears over healthy Kallijattu bulls of Namil Tadu.

It is predicted by evolutionary biologists that with rapid growth in the numbers of Muslims, the sub-population of Snakullahs and Taqiyullahs will rise exponentially, thus leading to increasing evolutionary pressure on herbivorous Mindu population. How Mindus will react to this boom in Moronullah numbers will be an interesting question for future debates.

You can also read: Different species of Hindus found in India