Evolutionary banter about pre-marital sex, stress and divorce

Brothelwood has always taken upon itself to promote degeneracy and the open promotion of promiscuity and one night stands is the natural step forward for such an organization. The new movie Befikre will be just another addition to the long list of movies made to hollow out the remaining cultural norms of an already decaying civilization.

So what made premarital sex such a taboo in the civilized world?

Premarital sex is very harmful in pair bonding and leads to unhappiness and divorce. It does affect men and women differently though. The divorce risk goes up for every partner that a women has ever had. The below figure is reported from a survey on American women and it can be easily seen that divorce rate goes up from around 5/7% for women with zero partners before marriage to almost 35% as they reach 10+ partners. (Funny part- The study is named counter intuitive trends in the link between pre-marital sex and divorce rate! Well it was never counter intuitive for civilizations of the past.)
The above trend also holds true for happiness and not just for marriage. Women with more number of sexual partners also report lower happiness. Similar studies are well documented around the internet and are frequent point of talk among the western red pilled men. While the men do not show similar decrease in happiness or increased divorce risk as compared to women, there are negative impacts on men as well. The negative impact on men usually comes in the form of handling breakups. Men often seem stoic and indifferent but relationship breakup hits them harder. So, the consequences for men appear more devastative in the short term, which are nevertheless important and should not be ignored. Actually men face higher chance of falling into depression and substance abuse post divorce as reported here and here. Let us add the third fact here- Women initiate almost 70% of all divorces.

Although the psychologists can give varied answers (or non answers) to the above, but digging into evolutionary biology can give insight into all these puzzles. Lets highlight some evolutionary facts-

1. 20% of men ever passed their genes compared to 80% women, so average female have been biologically more successful than average male. See here and here.

Recent evidence for male deaths in different tribes

2. At the end of wars, while adult males were killed, women were taken as prisoners of war

3. Women’s sexual market value decrease as they age (decreased beauty, reproductive value), while it is reverse for men as they get richer and powerful

So, how does it all fit together to cause decreased happiness for women (with large number of sexual partners) in the long run? While at the same time causing depression among men after breakups and divorces. Point 1, goes towards showing that women are the more valuable of the two sexes due to their contribution to the formation of next generation. So a few top tier men are sufficient for mating with most of the women. This had been true for most of human history before society became more egalitarian and monogamy was enforced in one way or the other. But this imbalance still shows up in modern law and social sciences, as otherwise there is no reason to fund very few studies on problems faced by divorced men. To give example from Bharat, there is almost no media coverage on abuse of laws like 498a against men, further enforcing the viewpoint that eggs are expensive while sperms are cheap.

Point 2 is important to understand the docile nature of women as compared to men. Since women were often captured in wars due to their reproductive value for the invading tribe, they escaped the fate of men from the losing tribe as the latter were almost always killed. The women who easily forgot their native tribe and surrendered to the dominance of new tribe had an easy time surviving while those who were steadfast in defending their native tribe would have had difficult time in surviving. Either they would have been killed for making too much nuisance or they might have killed themselves due to emotional pressure. This essentially means that current females are selected from the set of docile females, who were able to switch their loyalty. Men on the other hand survived only if they fought well and dominated their enemies.

Point 3 is very difficult to swallow for many people and they would come up with all kinds of explanations to refute it. There are other qualities in women that men would look up before marrying but youthfulness is one of the most important ones. This can be seen in the study done on data from the dating website called OKCupid. Read here.

Men’s age is on the vertical axis, while women on horizontal. The pink numbers represent preferred age of women.

Results from this study show that 20 or 21 old girls are preferred by men of all ages. The above graph also overlays the top two quartiles (25%) of ratings given by men, shown in dark and light pink i.e. the top 50% of ratings. You can see young women (below 27) capture the top 25% ratings. To quote the author-

the male pattern runs much deeper than just a preference for 20-year-olds. And after he hits thirty, the latter half of our age range (that is, women over 35) might as well not exist. Younger is better, and youngest is best of all, and if “over the hill” means the beginning of a person’s decline, a straight woman is over the hill as soon as she’s old enough to drink.

Of course, one can come up with few counter examples here and there but that do not change evolutionary facts that reproductive value drive male choice for younger females. On the other hand women almost prefer men of their own age.

Now let’s put together these evolutionary facts together to explain the unhappiness of women, stress in divorced men and high divorce rate initiated by women. The unhappiness of women and divorce are closely related. Since women lose their sexual market value over time, it means over time the quality of males they attract goes down due to competition from younger females. Since premarital sex is no longer a taboo and marriages are often delayed, this essentially means that girls start having sexual encounters from an early age up until they get married. Somewhere around 24-25 years a girl might have best chance of getting married given optimal financial stability and fertility at this age, but from 25 onwards increased financial ability cannot compensate for ageing.

So as a woman ages, she has to increasingly settle down for a lower quality mate than her previous encounters. This results in unhappiness later in life due to previous experiments (mistakes) and lost chances of settling down. The disenchantment naturally goes up with the number of sexual partners as it further delays the marriage as well as increase the baseline expectation of mate value (due to more experiment) to compare the present mate with. This is nothing but reflection of The Paradox of Choice, arising due to negative emotions arising from missed opportunities.

Men on the other hand do not face similar problem as women. Men’s attractiveness to women comes primarily from their status as a provider, which essentially means how rich and powerful they are. Although, there are other factors but a 30 year old male is usually richer and does not lose mate value as fast as women. So, large number of sexual encounters for men do not translate directly into negative emotions from missed opportunities later in life as there are no missed opportunities since the quality of mates they attract actually goes up as they age. But there is another significant factor at play here. Go back to point 1 in evolutionary facts i.e. only 20% of males ever passed on their genes. In a free sexual market, it is the top males (alpha) who corner a large and significant part of this market. This can be seen from the study on American individuals as reported in the table below.


While a lot of women lie in the middle range, it is top 33% men who have large number of sexual encounters which accounts for more sexual partners than the bottom 67% together. So, in a free sexual market, a large percentage of men would not have any experience to look back upon and face the same missed opportunity conundrum as faced by an average women or if they have experience it would improve over time before their sexual market value slowly fades away.

But what explains the presence of post divorce/breakup stress among men? Go back to point 2 and culling of men during wars. Evolutionarily, men hardly ever survived the loss of their female partners. It was men who were sent to die in wars or engaged in hazardous activities. This is reflected even today by lower life expectancy for males due to their engagement in hard labour industries. Add to it the above point 2 on survival of women after being captured by enemy. While today’s females are descendants of the survivors of past females, who learnt to suppress their emotions of death of kith and kin and accepted dominance of new tribe, men were almost always killed or failed to pass on their genes. So, men did not learn to suppress their emotion that arises from loss of a partner. While men did grow out of love of an old partner but it was never about snapping of ties at the drop of a hat. This explains why so many men take to substance abuse or contemplate suicides post failed relationships. The same stress can be spotted even among men who lose their wives and are less able to deal with the loss of spouse. This lack of evolutionary experience in dealing with spouse loss also explains how stable marriages help men.

This brings us to the last part of the puzzle- why women initiate more divorce than men? The same reason which explain post divorce stress among men, also explains why men file substantially lesser number of divorces than women. Looking again at points 2 and 3 of our evolutionary facts explains choice of women. Since women have been selected for bearing emotional loss of their mate, they are better prepared evolutionarily to handle post breakup problems and deal with their emotions. Coupled with the explanation for large sexual number of partners leading to unhappiness due to The Paradox of Choice, modern women are unhappy in their marriages. Since, they are unhappy and are better adapt at handling fallout of emotional stress post divorce, they go ahead with the decision. But since their Sexual market value keeps falling with age, they fail to attract higher value mate and get caught in the vicious cycle of regret spell due to missed opportunities.

A smart society with strong cultural norms understands how evolutionary algorithms can ruin the happiness of men and women unless society puts some checks and balances on the lizard brain. The decay of west should be a wake up call to all sane societies. Question is- will Bharat rise to this challenge and stop the spread of degeneracy being served right into their living rooms under the grab of liberalism and modernity by Bollywood?