Vidrum tried to keep up with Somakhya who was running towards Lootika’s house like his life depended on it.
“Now come on Somakhya I understand that this situation might not seem very nice for you,” began Vidrum. “But think about it in a more positive light. Lootika’s impressive physical beauty plus Meghana’s awesome trendy personality would make the absolute wonder woman. You will not be able to resist her. Trust me.”
Somakhya stopped and shook Vidrum and screamed, “No!!!!!”
Somakhya then said, “Vrishchika, Varoli and Jhileeka have all gone to their grandparents house last week and still haven’t come back. That means only Lootika and her parents might be home. I hope her parents didn’t get a heart attack seeing her new avatar. They dote on her a lot.”
They continued to reach the familiar street where Lootika lived which was not too far from Somakhya’s house. They paused when they reached her house and out of habit they tidied their hair and clothes and chewed on some mint as their mothers always told them to do before entering a girl’s house. They knocked on the door and after a few moments it was opened by Lootika. They saw that Meghana was standing right behind her. Somakhya noticed that Lootika looked different in many ways. She had removed her tilaka completely and had some Arabic mehendi on her hands. Her usual intellectual woman demeanour had been replaced with an arrogant Bollywood diva demeanour.
Lootika looked at them and said, “Oh look Meghana, just when we were enjoying our time together these sexually frustrated Hindu males had to turn up. Oh my god this country is just too patriarchal that secular sisters can’t even have some alone time to talk without some Hindu male pig barging in the middle. Well that gives me an idea of a new bashtag I can make on Bitter – #NoTimeForWomen. Yes that should get me a lot of re-beets for sure.”
“Looks like it happened,” Vidrum whispered to Somakhya.
Lootika sighed and went to the kitchen while Vidrum went to Meghana. Vidrum asked Meghana, “What happened to her and why did you come over?”
Meghana’s eyes were sparkling. “She became awesome that’s what happened. She is no longer the fascist she was before and I’ve changed my mind about her. She invited me over since her parents have gone out.”
Vidrum looked at Somakhya. Somakhya shrugged and said, “Well at least she hasn’t kicked us out now. Let’s stay and see if I can think of a cure. I remember Lootika telling me about a cure for it when we discovered this but I forgot and I doubt she is in a state to tell me now. First I’ll call Lootika’s parents to tell them not to get too alarmed about this situation.”
Somakhya went outside to make the call and Lootika called Meghana to come over to her room to continue talking.
Meghana told Vidrum, “I suppose you guys can come too. We have some snacks.”
Somakhya came back in and they went to Lootika’s room. Lootika was smoking a cigarette and she beckoned Meghana to sit on the beanie bag next to her. Meghana grabbed a bag of chips and sat down while Somakhya and Vidrum decided to stand near them and lean on the wall instead. Lootika started smoking a cigarette and said, “Well Meghana tell me about how it is in the feminist club. I’m being invited to their weekly general meetings starting this week. I just wanted to know if there are some snooty bitches there that I might need to compete with in being secular. Not that they can ever match me of course.”
Meghana almost choked on her chips. “You got invited to the general meetings?”
“Yes of course,” said Lootika. “I called them just before you came and asked them why the hell they didn’t let an uber feminist like me join the feminist club. That too when I have 10k followers on Bitter. At first when they heard my name for some odd reason they got vehemently angry with me but after conversing with me for some time and reading my new beets on Bitter they changed their mind. They said based on my performance and behaviour in the weekly general meetings they would allow me to join the weekly ‘liberation from the Hindu phallus’ meetings that are conducted every Friday just before the bolly femina night party.”
Now Meghana was really choking on her chips. “The weekly ‘liberation from the Hindu phallus’ meetings?? You got promised to get into that? Those are the most prestigious of all the feminist club meetings. Only the uber female elites are allowed in there. Getting free admission into them is no less than getting free admission into Harvard.”
“It’s all in a day’s work for me. Otherwise my name wouldn’t be Lootika, would it? Yes, I aim high always. Next I’m going to climb the feminist ladder and reach the top. Along the way of course I’m going to get a marunmatta bf, anyway not like that needs any effort on my part. But I would prefer him to be of Arab blood because I like high quality.”
Meghana threw her chips bag away and looked a little upset. “Screw that I’m just going to become fat if I eat those! I want an Arab blood guy too after all!”
“But Meghana,” began Vidrum.
“Shut up I’m in a bad mood,” she said. “Anyway this is sister time so don’t talk.”
Lootika opened a bottle of scotch next to her and the cork flew into Vidrum’s face. Lootika turned to Meghana and said, “Oh yeah I forgot to tell you something really trivial that happened to me. Some boy from university named Abdul Khan called me before you came in and asked me if I was willing to go out with him to the Bollywood bar tomorrow night. I told him look dude I sympathize with minority males a lot but I really don’t know you and perhaps you are not at my league so I’ll have to think about it.”
This time Meghana couldn’t control herself and shouted, “What the fuck! Abdul Khan is the most uber handsome alpha marunmatta we ever knew other than the Bollywood Khans! You are thinking about whether you should go with him or not?”
“You want me to tell him to go out with you instead?” asked Lootika. “Because I’m totally fine with that. I’m sure an Arab prince will come to take me out sooner or later if this fascist country allows him to come here.”
“No thanks, Miss privileged!” shouted Meghana sobbing. “He asked you out not me. What an entitled bitch you are! I never even got invited to any feminist meetings ever before. They only allowed me to edit the articles. And Abdul Khan never ever wanted anything from me other than a strand of my hair.”
Meghana ran out of the house sobbing.
“Well that escalated quickly,” Vidrum whispered to Somakhya. “Lootika and Meghana can’t get along even if Lootika is secular. What a wonder.”
“What a jealous bitch she is,” observed Lootika. “So this is the quality of feminists they produce these days. Tsk tsk. I have to correct things when I come into power. Secularism first, jealous later. That should be the slogan.”
Lootika then turned to Vidrum and Somakhya and crossed her arms and said, “Well what do you two Hindu lechers want from me?”
Vidrum swept his hair back and said, “But sweetheart can’t you see I’m secular?”
Lootika shrugged. “Still an unattractive Indian male.”
“Well?” Lootika said turning to Somakhya.
Somakhya didn’t respond to her. He didn’t feel the need to. Besides she seemed more like an alien to him now rather than the Lootika he knew all these years. Sure, her looks were still the same but as he told himself one must not get overly attached to the charms of a woman lest they be burdened with too much misery. Just as the wise Buddha had said every perceived joy in this world is ephemeral and the Lootika today might not be the Lootika tomorrow.
Vidrum elbowed him and said, “Come on quit thinking so seriously. This is a parody, not MT’s blog. And to top it all it is never recorded that the wise Buddha never said anything like the Lootika today might not be the Lootika tomorrow.”
“Yes,” said Somakhya. “That line is going to be my copyrighted teaching when I renounce the worldly life. Anyway we have nothing to gain over here now. Its getting late so let’s go to my house and rack our brains to see if we can find a cure.”
To be continued…
